I had to take the littlest to the doctor last Friday.  I have spent way too much time at that office and I am on a first name basis with everyone.  It was a slow day, so when our visit was finished, I stayed in the back for a few minutes chatting with the staff.  The lab tech commented on my weight loss.  I have been counting calories for the last six weeks, so basically, I have been hungry for six weeks, but nine pounds have come off.  (I am convinced that I am one of two people in the entire world that actually gain weight while training for a marathon.)  When I was leaving, my kids’ pediatrician said, “Mark is lucky to have you.”

So then the next day, we had a staycation downtown to celebrate Mark’s birthday.  I wore a dress that was tighter and shorter than I feel normal in, and I got more of the same “Mark is lucky to have you.”  When I told Mark that I feel weird wearing dresses that cause people to turn their heads, he said, “I bet people must think that I either have a lot of money or…(something I do not feel comfortable writing in my blog)…to have a wife that looks like you.”

And then today, I showed a patient a picture from Saturday night and she said, “Mark is lucky to have you.”

And while all the compliments on my trimmer body are flattering and well-intended, the only thing I can think is that Mark IS lucky to have me, but it has absolutely nothing to do with the way that I look.  He was lucky to have me when I was 25 pounds heavier and my value in this marriage has a lot more to do with my mad cooking skills, my wit, my patience, my compassion , and the fact that I am hilarious (though Mark will not admit the last one.)

Of course, looks matter to an extent. There has to be some level of attraction for a relationship to get off the ground in the first place.  But after 10 years of marriage, I can tell you that during the hardest, grittiest parts, our appearance mattered very little.  It did not matter when we were dealing with me having post-partum depression after the birth of our first child.  And it did not matter when Mark was laid off when I was 7 months pregnant with our second child, and again when I was 1 month pregnant with our third.  It did not matter when I spent my entire second pregnancy angry at anything that breathed, especially Mark.  It did not matter when my I lost my brother and normal functioning was impossible for me.  It did not matter on any number of Mondays when we are both exhausted, the kids are being a handful, the dishwasher needs loading, and the laundry needs folding.  But what does matter is our commitment to each other and to this family.  And if I was 100 pounds heavier, I know Mark well enough to know that he would still be patiently loving me.

In my younger days, I went on dates with A LOT of men.  Mark is the only man that has held my undivided attention and who has deserved me.  So if you ask me, I would say that I am the lucky one.

2016-03-27 21.48.18

About jillo31

I always wanted to write the great American novel. I've come to the realization that that may not happen. Instead, I'm going to write about my life as a working mom to three boys. I figure in ten years, I won't remember what these days are like. I want to record my everyday victories and struggles.
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