Road Tripping

I wanted to live-broadcast our road trip to Atlanta because I thought it would be mildly entertaining.  I could not figure out how to do that (I did not consult Brady.)  Instead, I kept mental notes until we stopped and then I put actual memos into my phone so that I could write a blog with a rough timeline of our trip.  My thoughts are in italics.

First leg:  Royal Oak, MI to Corbin, Kentucky; 441 miles; drive time: 6 hours 30 minutes; anticipated drive time with 3 kids: 7 hours; actual drive time with 3 kids: 9 hours 11 minutes

8:55 am 

Left our house 5 minutes ahead of schedule

9:00 am

Remembered to stop and leave library books in the drop box and they are only 4 days late!

9:05 am

Entered I-75 and found traffic to be pretty much stopped.

Well, this is not starting off too swift

9:15 am

Colin:  “Are we at the hotel yet?”

9:20 am

(McDonald’s at Mack)  Sullivan:  “Oooh, can we stop at that McDonald’s for lunch?”

9:35 am

Sullivan:  “I kind of have to pee.”

9:45 am

back on road after potty break

9:50 am

Sullivan:  “oooh, can we stop at that McDonalds for lunch?

Me:  “I am NOT stopping again before noon.”

9:55 am

We enter a very deep conversation regarding the mass extinction of the dinosaurs and the eventual evolution of mankind from the tiny mammals that were left after said mass extinction.

10:15 am

We cross the Ohio state line.

I’m pretty sure it does not take 1 hour 20 minutes to get to Ohio.

Me:  “Look, boys, we’re in Ohio!”

Brady:  “What number state is Ohio?”

Do you think I’m Wikipedia?

Me:  “I don’t know.  It became a state probably around the time Michigan did, so maybe the 1830s or 1840s?”

Brady:  “NO!  What NUMBER state was it?”

Me:  “I don’t know.  How many states are east of us?  Maybe it was like 24?”

Sullivan:  “Do they speak a different language in Ohio?”

10:18 am Colin:

“I peed in my pants.”

Me:  “Did it all stay in your pullup?”

Colin:  “um, I think so?”

10:20 am

Sullivan:  “Can we stop at that McDonald’s for lunch?”

10:30 am

Sullivan:  “Mom, I’m hungry!”

Me:  “Did you eat before we left like I told you to?”

Sullivan:  “Um, I think I forgot?”

I break down and give him a bag of potato chips.

10: 45 am Sullivan:

“Why didn’t we just take a PLANE to Auntie Lolo’s?!?”

Is ALL of Ohio under construction right now???

11:00 am

Colin:  “I peed in my pants.”

Me:  “Did it stay in your pullup?”

Colin:  “Um, nope.”

I have accepted defeat and will stop for lunch at 11:00 am in Findlay, Ohio, which should only be an hour and a half from home, yet we’ve been travelling more than 2 hours.

11:07 am

We stop at McDonald’s and have lunch.  I force everyone to use the bathroom before we leave and, unfortunately, the women’s bathroom is out of soap.  I am pretty sure I have hand sanitizer in the car, but nope.

11:50 am

We leave McDonald’s.

Colin:  “Ewwwwww, my hands smell like penis!  Touch.”  (he touches Sullivan)

“I touched you with my penis hands!”

12:00 pm

Sullivan:  “When are we going to stop for ice cream?”

12:10 pm

It’s so nice, driving with no construction.  Oh shit!  I hope I am actually on I-75 and did not inadvertently enter the wrong highway!

12:20 pm

Oh good, construction.  I’m on the right road.

12:30 pm-1:00 pm

Colin fights a nap, which includes him chanting and hitting his head against the side of his car seat.  Finally, he says, “Mom, I am just going to lie my head down, but I am not going to close my eyes!”

1:01 pm

Colin is napping.

1:02 pm

Sullivan:  “When are we going to stop for ice cream?”

1:10 pm

The boys are fighting over ear buds and when I suggest they each put one bud in their ear Brady shouts, “Mom! I have seen his ear wax!  He is NOT USING my ear buds!”

1:30 PM

We should be in Kentucky by 2!

1:50 pm

Traffic is crawling

I hate you, Ohio!  And it has nothing to do with a football rivalry.  It has everything to do with your flat, boring roads, and your crappy construction, and the fact that it is already taking me five hours to get through you and when I am finally there, you just had to keep me in a little longer!

2:30 pm

Finally cross the Kentucky state line

All of us singing:  “We feel so lucky, to be driving through Kentucky!”

Oh, Kentucky, you glorious state!  With your blue skies and rolling green hills, the beautiful foot hills of Appalachia!  I love you, Kentucky!

2:31 pm

Sullivan:  “Yay!  We’re in Kentucky!  Can we stop for ice cream now?”

2:45 pm

We stop for ice cream at a McDonalds with a playland to let the boys get the wiggles out.

Screw you myfitnesspal!  I am having a caramel sundae.

I switch my weight loss goal from one pound a week to maintain current weight.

3:30 pm

We leave McDonald’s, fuel up, and hit the road again.

3:47 pm

Brady: “Are we there yet?”

3:55 pm

Sullivan:  “When are we going to be at our hotel?”

4:05 pm

Sullivan:  “When are we going to be at our hotel?”

Me:  “I just told you, were you listening?”

Sullivan:  “Um, I forgot.”

Why DIDN’T we fly?  It was $1,200 to fly, Jill.  It was $1,200 to fly.

4:30 pm

Traffic slows to a crawl outside of Lexington.

Me:  “Are you freaking kidding me?”

Brady:  “Mom, you are not supposed to say bad words.”

Me:  “I know.”

Brady:  “Then why did you say a bad word?”

Me:  “I am sorry.  I shouldn’t have.  I am just feeling frustrated.”

I hate you Kentucky!  I hate you, I hate you!  You think you’re so much better than Ohio, but you’re not!

$1,200 hundred dollars really isn’t THAT much money.  I wonder how much a flight from Lexington to Atlanta is?

5:30 pm

Brady:  “Mom, seriously, are we at our hotel yet?”

Me:  “Not much further, like as long as driving to Tia’s.”

Brady:  “Yay!”

Me:  “Well, like on a Friday night when traffic is really, really bad.”

Brady:  “Oh.”

6:06 pm

We finally arrive, check in, go to dinner at Cracker Barrel where the real highlight was when I insisted Colin come with me into the Ladies’ room, and not the Mens’ room by himself, and he flopped himself down on the ground and screamed at the top of his lungs, “But I promise to point my penis down!”

Then, when we got back to the hotel, I locked myself in the bathroom so Brady would not enter in order to explain the process of how salt was made while I was changing.  And when I tried to get out, I could not for at least 2 minutes.  Sheer panic, I assure you.

And when we finally settled in for the night, Colin looked at the picture of a flower hanging above our hotel bed and he said, “Mama, I think that is a picture from when that big asteroid hit the Earth and the flowers couldn’t grow.”

Good times, good times.  I am currently listening to three very tired boys snoring and hoping that 4.5 hours tomorrow is no greater than 5 in reality.

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About jillo31

I always wanted to write the great American novel. I've come to the realization that that may not happen. Instead, I'm going to write about my life as a working mom to three boys. I figure in ten years, I won't remember what these days are like. I want to record my everyday victories and struggles.
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