I first discovered that I live in Hyperville when I tried to register Brady for preschool a mere 3 months prior to the start of school. Hyperville is not meant to be an insult, I just mean to say that I live among people who are really on top of things in a way that I am not and probably will not ever be. I was such a newbie. I had NO IDEA that you had to have all of your plans for the next school year decided by February 1. I am not completely naive; I knew that in very affluent communities where Harvard is an actual option for higher education, you get on a waiting list for preschool at conception. I just did not think I had to worry about that for a preschool with final aspirations of engineer degree from a state university.
The next clue came when I signed up to be a volunteer for Motor Moms and Dads for Sullivan’s preschool class (he was registered by Feb 1 of that year.) It was supposed to be a commitment of once a month, but there were so many parent volunteers, I was only obligated to come once every other month. (I’d really like to commit to memory the definitions of biweekly and bimonthly, so that I could use it in this circumstance.)
By the time Brady was in first grade, I realized that if I wanted to volunteer for any class party, I needed to stop anything that I was doing as soon as I heard my email alert, because it could be the signupgenius link. It is no exaggeration to say that I once pulled my car over, when I heard my phone alert me to a new email, so that I could volunteer at the gingerbread house decorating party.
We, no joke, have PTA events 12 million times a school year. (That is, admittedly, a slight exaggeration.) I have started forwarding the weekly newsletter I get to my mom for a little chuckle. We missed fish fry a few weeks in a row for the sake of PTA events, and when we finally showed up, my dad asked, “What, no PTA events tonight?”
So, I should not have been so irritated when I got the “March is Reading Month” calendar. Faithful readers will remember that I have volunteered to do crafty stuff in the past for “March is Reading Month.” And that’s fine. I like it, in a sick sort of way.
What I do not like, is an entire calendar of things I have to remember/do for a whole month. I want to just sink into my lake of mediocrity where remembering to pack lunches, send a snack, and have clean clothes laid out for the boys is enough for a weekday morning. Why can’t March is Reading Month be like ‘please actually read the 20 minutes every night that you are already supposed to be doing’ and a group assembly with a guest author? I do not want to remember to send a banana, or dress them like a Minion, or send a Minion, or set out a shirt with words, or send a joke book, or a button, or pretty much anything other than the required food and clean clothes thing.
It is not that it even takes that much time, it is just the remembering to do it! Theme days I have forgotten in 8+ years of parenting: pajama day 1; hat day 2; where a certain color day 1; miscellaneous that I cannot even remember ≥ 5. And though I feel like crap when I forget, it is the kids that are the most disappointed.
So this March is Reading Month, I thought, what would a successful CEO do in this situation? Delegate. I put Brady in charge of reading that calendar each night and preparing for the next day. And now, we have made it through March with remembering every single theme day, and I am hoping April will be a little more chill, but then it will be May…